The other day I watched a Netflix movie

The other day I watched a Netflix movie with friends and could not help but notice how the movie was a lot like me. I feel humans can all be typed into movies. I knew I was not from the DDLJ lot and I had zero remorse about it. Sure I was not adored by the majority, nor was I remembered by manu, but at least I wasn't too mainstream. I appeased myself thinking that I was like Lunchbox or Lootera. Since I wasn't loved widely, I thought (or maybe hoped) that I would be loved deeply. It never bothered me that very few people knew me, while many found me boring. I thought when I found the right ones, they wouldn't be able to forget me. 

But then I watched the Netflix movie with my friends...I think it was called Liftboy. It was supposedly an amazing movie so we began watching it. A quarter of the way through my friends logged off because it had already bored them. I still kept watching intently, hoping it would get better or at least the ending would be enlightening. But after devouring the whole movie with anticipation and interest, I came to the conclusion that it was a waste of resources, efforts and time. It wasn't enjoyable, wasn't enlightening and definitely wasn't worth losing your sleep for.

And it made me think, how I am just like that. I am someone that everyone had high hopes for, who seemed to be promising but has proved to be nothing but a waste of resources and efforts. Nowadays my very existence hurts people, causes them to feel ashamed. And let's not even get to how it makes me feel. People say when you go through difficult times you should not give up on yourself. But I fear that even if I do not give up on myself, on my deathbed when I look back at life, I shall still feel like a failure and disappointment. Just like that Netflix movie I watched with my friends. Would I then regret having rooted for the underdog who never won any races or hearts? 🌿