1. Always come with a full stomach so that you won't end up asking for biryani or boti or taazi taazi roti.
2. Make sure you don't request for tea or coffee. You are not at a party; you're at a funeral. Learn to respect the feelings of the people whose loved one has just passed away.
3. Try and bring your own water bottle instead of expecting the family members to constantly be quenching your thirst.
4. Keep your over-dramatic reactions to yourself. There is no need to start beating your chest, wailing loudly or forcing yourself to cry just to try and prove that you're the most affected. If you're randomly creating drama, you just want attention. Be quiet. Let the loved ones mourn. It's their loss, not yours.
The same goes for fighting - do not create scenes while at a funeral. It is not the place to fight over who came and who didn't, and who's wearing what.
5. Don't force the close family and friends to cry if they are not. It's their choice on how they choose to grieve. Don't force your ways of showing grief on them. Everyone mourns differently.
6. Please please please never tell the close family and friends that their life is over and that the death of the loved one is equivalent to the end of their world. If you cannot try and be there for them in a positive manner, be silent and pray for the departed and for his family. If you can't stay silent, leave.
7. The family of the deceased is already heartbroken. They do not need your pity comments such as "haw bechara abhi umar hi kya thi" or "haw apnay time se pehlay chala gaya". Try focusing on praying for the departed one instead of creating misery for the family.
The same goes for comments like "bari tension laita tha tension ne maar diya" "betay ne shaadi nahin ki na iss waja se depression se mer gayi". NO. A BIG NO.
8. Don't force yourself to be around the affected family. It's their time to grieve; naturally they might want to be alone. Let them be. Let them mourn as a family.
9. Don't make an issue if you cannot go and see the face of the departed soul. Stop letting curiosity get the better of you. It is not something you need to see anyway if you're not someone close. Stop forcing yourself on them.
10. It's okay if you do not know the exact details of the illness and the death. It's okay if you don't have a minute-by-minute detail of what happened. It's okay to not know. Try not to pester the family with such questions.
11. It is better to stay silent at the house where the funeral is instead of gossiping, laughing loudly, cracking jokes or in general, forgetting that it is a funeral and not a celebration of any sort.
12. Do not take pictures of the deceased or of the family in mourning. It is a funeral and not a party, avoid taking pictures of any kind. This is not something you should be posting on your Instagram stories.
13. Don't tell the deceased's loved ones to not cry "kyoonke unki rooh ko taqleef hoti hai" — it's insensitive to not let a person grieve. Even Islam tells you to grieve for three days and crying is a natural response to do so.
14. Funerals are NOT the place for rista-hunting. Please do not use this opportunity to approach young women randomly and asking them their age, profession and if they're married or not. You will get a lot of occasions to do that otherwise.
15. Dress appropriately for a funeral. Don't overdress - try to keep it normal. Don't be that person who goes in wearing extremely flashy clothes. It's not a fashion event.
The main point of this post is that when someone's close family member or friend passes away, try and show empathy. They have just lost someone they can never get back. It is the most difficult one to have to go through. If you want to go and pass on condolences, do so but not at the inconvenience of the affected ones, and not at the convenience of your own self. Also, no one needs your pity or sympathy especially if you cannot be genuine with your love and care.
Be empathetic.
Be loving.
Be kind.
No comments:
Post a Comment