“MORNING STRUGGLES”

 

4am, and she is sleeping,

It feels like she was weeping,

She feels someone patting on her shoulder,

Who is this? Clearing her sleepy blurry eyes,

Oh its you again, with a taunting tone,

Its her right shoulder angel,

Telling her, its morning little baby,

Get up its time for praying,

She wasn’t listening,

She was ignoring,

So, the angel starts singing,

Oh my little one,

Oh my beloved one,

Oh my pretty angel,

Wake up wake up,

It’s time to take off,

Take off for ablution,

You my little one,

I wanna see you in Jannah,

You are a good girl,

Come on, let’s get up,

Let’s tell Allah why were you crying,

Whey were you dying,

HE is there waiting for the little one,

The drowsy one,

The broken one,

You my pretty one,

You my little one,

It’s been long sleep,

Let’s wake up,

From the long sleep,

From the unhealthy sleep,

From the depression causing sleepless sleep,

She shock her blanket off,

She tore her tiredness off,

She looked for the voice,

She looked around,

No one was there,

She was angry as always,

And was wandering where the voice went as always,

But it was late, she was awake,

Her sleep was gone,

She stood up alone, walk to the bathroom,

Washed her face,

Looked into the mirror,

Staring at her dark circles, creating a scene, horror,

Washed her face again again,

Throwing water, with frustration,

To remove those dark circles, those wrinkles,

She smiled for a second, she hated her wrinkled smile as always,

She came out, with water dripping from every edge of hers,

As if, she took shower with her cloths on,

But it was anger, her frustration that was dripping,

She looked for prayer mat,

Lying on the floor as always,

She was shocked as always,

She felt a strange presence around her,

Presence was strange but peaceful for her,

She prayed, she felt relayed,

She heard a voice, well played angel,

She was smiling with tears rolling,

She tried her best,

Tried mending her Connection with her creator.

PSYCHO

 

“Psycho” it’s not the first time I read this word.

A text message notification lighted up my phone screen. I read it at first glance but opened and read it again.

Not long ago, he started referring me with this name.

May be being pure, caring & loving unconditionally were not normal traits of a human. The face of humanity was being tainted with materialism. Where a small-town girl was an outcast.

I replied,” your psycho.”

The saved contact name was DESIRE.

As I desired nothing more than that person in that phase of my life.

When we meet he saw his contact name in my phone “desire” he took a closer look in my eyes and said “psycho” with a taunting smile. That smirk around his lips was burning my heart. But I smiled back and said, “I guess I’m”.

So childish of me. I had no idea why he kept referring me a psycho, am I really one? But what makes a person psycho? Maybe I’m too clingy? But does not that’s what he loves about me? Never thought any of it. A teenage girl never knew the art of fancy words and delicacy of her heart. All she knew was to love, to be kind, to be available for the ones who are in pain. Not worrying about outcomes and irrespective of her personality falling apart. Sadly, she does not know who she really was. And how much wildness she was holding in herself. How much love her tiny heart was pouring out to the unnecessary people? Whom she nurtured as flowers, but they came out as weeds. Ruining the beauty of her thoughts and purity of her soul.

She was selfless without knowing what that word means merely at the age of eighteen. She fought the chaos. An admired, rosy, chatty girl, grown twice of her actual age. Fighting the inner demons and external beasts. She came out of hell, all alone, wearing the crown of her dignity. That she deserved. The raising voices silenced. The hands hungry to grope her feminism, felt ashamed of themselves.

The arms who demolished her innocence, cried of emptiness and asked for forgiveness. Not because they realized they were doing wrong to her, in reality the tables turned the day she came to know that SHE DESERVES WHAT SHE SERVES. Until now, she thought love, care, kindness, respect, all of them were not the things to be done for return. And she was right, partially, as she was unaware that she all of deserves them.

Many are still mourning for her old soul, that is not available anymore.

That small-town girl learned the firework of emotions. She came to know that her presence can heal or steal any heart. But she is not just for anyone who comes across.

She can be fire or ice,

she can be love or lust,

she can be calm as the ocean

and wild as thunder,

she can be dancing rain

or a rigid mountain,

she can be as dark as night

or rainbow or sun like bright,

she can be a star

the world can cherish from afar,

she can be wine or whiskey

but not available at any bar.

She is a woman who knows her worth, that kind of woman is easy to fall for but hard to handle. What an irresistible madness she is.

I guess he knew, all of this. The one who named me PSYCHO.

Not only my wordplay art, but a part of me.

~"Once in your lifetime, you get to know one person,

 ~"Once in your lifetime, you get to know one person, and you know very well, deep down in your heart that you'll have feelings for this person your whole life." 🤍

-Rukiye

True love begins the moment you fell in love with someone's heart. That person's well-being becomes your priority. You love that person in a way which brings you only peace and tranquility in your heart. I'm not talking about that toxic way of loving someone, where you forget about your creator. Rather that person will complete the half of your deen and will support you in everything which brings you closer to ALLAH. 🕊✨💙

When you open yourself up to people

"When you open yourself up to people, when you lower your guard for a moment and decide to be vulnerable, when you gather the courage to say what you feel, you'll inevitably get hurt.

Someone will betray your secrets. Someone will laugh at your vulnerabilities. Someone will light your heart on fire. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not.

Your relationship with the Creator is different though. You can pour out every secret to Him and know you'll never be betrayed. You can speak your dreams up to the sky, and you won't hear incredulous laughter or a voice saying, "That's a silly dream."

You can raise your hands and say, "I am so sad" or furious or disappointed, and you won't hear, "Get over it already."

Nothing but love and mercy and forgiveness comes from opening up to The Merciful. He is shy to leave asking hands empty. But we continuously seek comfort and sustenance and love elsewhere, and then become surprised when we are met with ridicule or hurt.

There are wonderful souls wandering this earth, opening their hearts to people like you and me. But even with them, even in their warmest embraces and kindest words, you will not find the comfort of open palms towards the sky, and an open heart towards Allah." 🌸✨

Busy Road Busy Lives

Busy roads are like busy human lives.

Let's have an example of a busy road.

There are many cars, old, new, branded, with different models, and versions. Car with 2017 model, 2018 model, 2008 model. Car with green color, black color, grey color. Car's named Honda Suzuki, Corolla gli xli atlas, Alto, Mercedes-Benzes, limo, Cuore and many different brands, Versions, models. What matters in those cars? Good engine, healthy regular service, high octane petrol. Taking good care of that car.

Car with good engine reaches its destination within time and successfully.

Car with poor engine, poor health, poor petrol, poor condition cause problems, sometimes it may cause accidents, leads to someone's death.

And and proper driving skills are also required to drive that car.

There are so many brands models but still they are called cars.

I can relate this to human lives.

Humans are of different color, culture, creed, caste but still they are called Humans. Human born in 1999, in 1998, in 1990, in 2000, in 2005 in 2015 or in 2020.

Humans with different castes Butt, Sheikh, Malik, Kambooh, Arain etc

Humans with different color dark, brown, dusky, black, white with minor changes in complexions.

What matters is the brain of the human and the heart.

A human who consumes positivity, eat healthy, live healthy is the one who will reach his destination within time and successfully and happily.

A human with poor mental condition, poor diet, poor health may cause living worst. They might kill themselves of the mental condition. You never know how much slow poisoning of thoughts effects you. How much it destroys you.

It's not a rocket science i guess. Everyone can focus on its own health.

Everyone is running on its own busy road of life. No one is gonna stop and help you out. Yeah there are people who stop in the busiest road and help people.

They are rare.

Definitely human nature is to help others.

زندگی اپنے آپ میں ایک معجزہ ہے

بسم اللہ الرحمن الرحیم 

السلام علیکم 

صبح بخیر ۔

زندگی اپنے آپ میں ایک معجزہ ہے 

اِس معجزے کو ہر سانس جئیں 

اپنی نااُمیدیوں کو نئی روشنیاں دیں 

اور  اِس حقیقت پر یقین رکھیں 

جو زمین والوں سے نہیں ہوتا 

وہ آسمان والے سے ہوتا ہے 

اور ضرور ہوتا ہے 

ہر انسان کے لیے ہوتا ہے۔

ان شاء اللّٰـــــــہ

W E D N E S D A Y

Wednesday used to be my non-favorite day in the week, not because something bad happened to me on this particular day. But it was an eerie feeling. I disliked Wednesdays. It's a Wednesday, I'm screwed. I felt nothing good will ever come my way on Wednesday.

I was wrong, you came to me on Wednesday.

One day, I came back from college. As soon as opened my inbox, there was a picture message from you. Nowadays, it's no big deal. But seven years back it was a massive mood lifter for us(the nineties kids) we are not born in this era of advanced technology. So, a little touch of something new in our day used to lift our mood and emotions a hundred times. Yet again it was the Wednesday I disliked.

I vividly remember that image had a flower bouquet at left side having shiny background. On the right side there was an ocean blue card on that it was written in bold letters

"HAPPY WEDNESDAY PRINCESS"

of course no one has ever wished me a day like this before. Neither I had this kind of special connection with a boy who can call me princess and most importantly you treated me like one. (I can't deny that, and I never will).

A smile captivated not only my lips but my whole body. It was the first time I felt that happiness can travel down our spine to fingertips.

Stared once, stared twice, replied, "Thank you."

It was our first date. My first date in eighteen years because I found the boy whom I can call not only my boyfriend but lover. Nothing comes free, and sixth sense never lies. These rules never failed me even once. The love I cherished, stayed not more than two years.

You came as a fresh breeze in summer and left in spring of proceeding year.

Broken me, thought that I will never be able to love again.

Here I was wrong, and I realized it when I was at the airport to catch a flight back home. There was a man standing in front of me staring at me as his eyes were scanning my soul. I was so dumbfounded, until today, that what I felt for him was more than a mere crush that I denied. His constant sighs kept asking me to stay.

Finally those silent contemplations ended, and he said," double check everything, are you sure you got all the things with you?"

I checked my phone, passport, ticket, ID.

"Yes, all done." I replied with a forced smile.

"Liar" he said underneath his breath, but I heard it. I gave him. A confused look.

"Leave, its time of your flight in a while"

He pushed my shoulder.

"Are you this desperate to send me away?"

I asked, holding his arm.

He nodded.

I left him in the hallway. And not  looked back even though I wanted to. But I felt his eyes glancing at me from back as they were going to burn me out today.

As I boarded on plane. The flight was ready to take off. I opened my bag to keep my phone & found a letter there.

A small piece of lemon colored paper, having zigzag cuts around corners, tiny heart drawn at bottom left corner.

As I begin to read, "I have never meet such a kind person like you. Who would do anything for other's comfort. Come to me whenever you need comfort or love for yourself.

I love you.

Yours from today and every coming second."

Without his name I knew it was his handwriting. He was not pushing me away, he was pleading to make me to stay.

I was in the air, but I had left my heart somewhere on the earth. That's why he asked me to double-check.

Meanwhile, words rolling on back seat LCD caught my sight. Wednesday 12:23am. Ahh! This damn Wednesday.

ﺳﺐ ﮐﻮ ﮨﻤﯿﺸﮧ ﻣﺠﮫ ﺳﮯ ﺑﺲ ﺍﯾﮏ ﮨﯽ ﮔﻠﮧ ﺭﮨﺘﺎ ﮨﮯ ﻣﯿﮟ خود سے ﺭﺍﺑﻄﮧ ﻧہیں ﮐﺮﺗﯽ

ﺳﺐ ﮐﻮ ﮨﻤﯿﺸﮧ ﻣﺠﮫ ﺳﮯ ﺑﺲ ﺍﯾﮏ ﮨﯽ ﮔﻠﮧ ﺭﮨﺘﺎ ﮨﮯ ﻣﯿﮟ خود سے ﺭﺍﺑﻄﮧ ﻧہیں ﮐﺮﺗﯽ 

ﻣﯿﮟ ﺑﺎﺕ ﻧﮩﯿﮟ ﮐﺮﺗﯽ ،

 ﻣﯿﮟ ﺯﯾﺎﺩﮦ ﮨﯽ ﻣﺼﺮﻭﻑ ﮨﻮﮔﺌﯽ ﮨﻮﮞ ،

 ﻣﺠﮭﮯ ﻣﻄﻠﺐ نہیں ﮐﺴﯽ ﺳﮯ ﮐﻮﺋﯽ ﺟﯿﮯ ﻣﺮﮮ

ﻣﯿﮟ ﺍﯾﺴﯽ ﺑﮯﺣﺲ ﮨﻮں ﮐﮧ ﻣﺮﺗﮯ ﮐﻮ ﺍﯾﮏ ﮔﮭﻮﻧﭧ ﺑﮭﯽ ﻧﮧ

 ﺩﻭﮞ

ﻣﺠﮭﮯ ﺑﺲ ﺍﭘﻨﯽ ﭘﮍﯼ ﺭﮨﺘﯽ ﮨﮯ ﻣﯿﮟ ﯾﮧ نہیں ﺩﯾﮑﮭﺘﯽ ﮐﮧ

ﮐﺴﯽ ﺍﻭﺭ ﮐﺎ ﮐﯿﺎ ﺣﺎﻝ ﮨﮯ ، میں ایک دن خالی ہاتھ رہ جاؤں گی کچھ نہیں بچے گا میرے پاس نہ کوئی رشتہ اور نہ کوئی احساس ،

ﯾﮧ ﺳﺐ ﻋﺠﯿﺐ ﮨﮯ ﻧﮧ ؟؟؟

ﭘﺮ ﭘﺘﺎ ﮨﮯ ﻋﺠﯿﺐ ﯾﮧ ﺑﮭﯽ ﮨﮯ ﮐﮧ ﺩﯾﮑﮭﺘﮯ ﺩﯾﮑﮭﺘﮯ ﮨﯽ ﺑﮩﺖ ﮐﻢ ﻭﻗﺖ ﻣﯿﮟ ﻣﯿﮟ ﻧﮯ ﺍﭘﻨﮯ ﺑﮩﺖ ﺳﺎﺭﮮ ﺩﻭﺳﺖ ﺑﮩﺖ ﺳﮯﺭﺷﺘﮯ ﺑﮩﺖ ﺳﮯ ﻋﺰﯾﺰ ﮐﮭﻮ ﺩﺋﯿﮯ ﭘﮭﺮ ﻭﮦ ﺑﮭﻠﮯ ﻣﯿﺮﯼ ﺳﻮﺷﻞ

ﻻﺋﻒ ﺳﮯ ﺟﮍﮮ ﺗﮭﮯ ﯾﺎ ﺣﻘﯿﻘﯽ ﺯﻧﺪﮔﯽ سے ، 

جانتی ہو یہ وہ لوگ تھے جنکے ساتھ میں جتنی مخلص رہ سکتی تھی رہی، جتنا رابطہ رکھ سکتی تھی رکھا ، حتیٰ کہ چوبیس گھنٹوں میں سے بیس گھنٹے انہی کیساتھ گزرتے تھے ، پھر کیا ہوا؟؟ 

کچھ بھی نہیں بچا ، کچھ بھی نہیں کا مطلب سمجھتی ہو تم؟؟؟ 

میں یہ بھی نہیں کہہ رہی میں نے ان سے صلے کی امید رکھ کر نبھا رکھا تھا ، مجھے تو بس دکھ ہے افسوس ہے کہ ﻣﯿﮟ ﺍﻧﮩﯿﮟ ﺭﻭﮎ ﺑﮭﯽ نہیں ﺳﮑﯽ ،

مجھے نہیں معلوم وہ سب یہ ازیت محسوس کر بھی پاۓ کیونکہ انکی زندگیوں میں میری اتنی اہمیت یا اتنی جگہ ہی نہیں بن پائی ۔محسوس تو وہ کرتے ہیں ناں 

جو منتیں کرتے ہیں۔سوال کرتے ہیں ۔ضد کرتے ہیں۔ حق جتاتے ہیں۔

منا لیتے ہیں

ﺧﯿﺮ ﻣﯿﮟ ﺍﺱ ﺑﺎﺕ ﮐﻮ ﻣﺎﻧﺘﯽ ﮨﯽ نہیں ہوں کہ جانے والوں کو روکا جائے یہ منت ترلہ ، یہ سوال جواب یہ گلہ شکوہ سب ثانوی چیزیں ہیں ، 

رشتے نبھانے کے اور بھی بہت سے طریقے ہوا کرتے ہیں مگر میں آج جہاں پہنچ چکی ہوں اس سب ثانوی چیزوں سے بہت آگے نکل چکی ہوں ،

اور یہ بات اچھی طرح سمجھ چکی ہوں کہ کہ ﺭﺷﺘﻮﮞ ﮐﻮ نبھانے ﮐﯿﻠﺌﮯ

ﺍﻇﮩﺎﺭ ﮐﯽ ، ﮐﺴﯽ ﭨﯿﮑﺴﭧ ﮐﯽ ، ﯾﮧ ﻟﻤﺒﯽ ﻟﻤﺒﯽ ﮐﺎﻟﺰ کی ﻭﻋﺪﻭﮞ

ﮐﯽ یا ﺭﺳﻤﯽ ﺣﺎﻝ ﭼﺎﻝ ﮐﯽ ﮐﯽ ﺿﺮﻭﺭﺕ نہیں ہوتی ،  

ﮐﯿﻮﻧﮑﮧ ﺭﺷﺘﮯ ﺗﻮ ﺑﺲ ﺩﻟﻮﮞ ﮐﺎ ﻣﻼﭖ ﮨﻮﺗﮯ ﮨﯿﮟ ، ﺭﻭﺡ ﮐﺎ

ﺍﺣﺴﺎﺱ ﮨﻮﺗﮯ ﮨﯿﮟ ﻧﮧ ﮐﮧ ﺑﺮﻗﯽ ﻟﮩﺮﻭﮞ ﭘﺮ ﻗﺎﺋﻢ ﮐﮭﻮﮐﮭﻠﮯ

 ﻋﺎﺭﺿﯽ ﺗﻌﻠﻘﺎﺕ ﮨﻮﺗﮯ ﮨﯿﮟ ۔۔۔ " 

ہاں پھر آپ محبت کریں ، اعتماد کریں ، خوش رہیں بھلے تھک جائیں یا 

اپنی زندگی میں سیاہ و سفید کچھ بھی کریں 

مگر کسی کو مت بتائیں ، اسی میں عافیت ہے آپ کیلئے یقین کریں ۔

Strangerlike encounter

In the midst of violent nights,

The battered casualties laid dead on the cold streets covered with blood

The sounds of rifles going off numerous times was what shock me heavily

I feared for my life,

I wished to join those who were screaming at the top of their lungs as a cry for help 

My eardrums were acquainted with their screams, it was nothing unusual.

I wished to join those who were running for their lives, but my legs were suddenly glued to the ground,

I couldn't move anymore

It was as if my legs were petrified to step on those blood painted streets

My feet had failed me!

In the midst of one violent night, I had a strange feeling 

Instead of nervousness overwhelming my body, 

For a change, a warm feeling clouded my heart, I felt something I wasn't familiar with 

How dare my heart experience such warmth on this very disastrous night? 

In the midst of one violent night, 

In the middle of a blood inked street, 

There she stood, 

Clothed in a black coloured dress that adorned her pear shaped face 

In the midst of one violent night,

I met the love of my life 

When her eyes met mine

There and then I knew what love at first sight was