There are times when I can't stop thinking about the past that haunts me. There are times when I feel too numb

There are times when I can't stop thinking about the past that haunts me. There are times when I feel too numb. Too emotional to show how I feel. Too anxious to speak because of the emotions that clog up my throat. I felt that pain again, yesterday,

Yeah! yesterday,

I wanted to yell, cracking my larynx to match the intensity of my throbbing heart. I wanted to scream, so loud that my lungs would tear apart into little fragments, just the way I wanted to be disintegrated into nothingness.

 

The pain was like drowning in the brightest but the deepest of oceans, where I felt numb, where the humming of quietness and the screaming of silence had me so passionately immersed within itself that I had no desire to resurface.

It was like walking in a desert where the sand was soft but engulfing. I had to drag my feet out with each step. My throat was drier than the sand under my feet but I couldn't find any periphery.

It was like walking into the forest drunk on its mesmerizing beauty but after getting lost within it, it lost the beauty, the sharp twigs and broken branches pierced through my skin. The green masses of forest scared me causing despair and desperation.

I don't fancy anguish.I don't desire the nausea that appears with constant anxiety.But sometimes, the pain that has gone far away, dimmer than the dimmest star in the sky comes back infuriating agony of the breakdowns I had. Those are the times when the numb feeling appears. The time when silence starts screaming.The time when I can't stop thinking about the past.